Thanksgiving today, we had planned on going to have dinner with my family, but due to illness the dinner was canceled so we ended up going to carl's parents house for dinner instead. We hope to get together with my family for X-mas. Unfortunately i have no money to buy gifts for my family. I am hoping to sell my old laptop to a friend of carl's for $100. If i can do that i'll have a lil cash to buy gifts for my parents and sisters.
Dinner tonight at Carl's parents was interesting i guess. It was just his parents, his mother's friend Linda and her mother, the two of us and his brother Shawn, also Shawn's friend Dan showed up a few minutes before we left. Shawn was extremely annoying, playing vulgar and immature videos on his laptop while we were trying to watch football. I think the only thing that boy has going for him is the fact that he's a Dallas fan...lol. otherwise i can't stand him. He's a year or two older than me i think. Then we had dinner, i sat between shawn and Carl, linda's mother said grace. After we ate i helped clean up and take care of left overs cuz their dog wanted to eat everything...lol. Then we sat around for a bit. Linda's mother took a picture of carl and i sitting together...i hate having my picture taken...lol. Then Linda offered us a ride home since she lives right around the corner from us. I was exhausted and tried to lay down for a bit but couldn't get to sleep. OH! Dallas won! :) like 24-7 or something like that. Awesomeness.
Not looking forward to Saturday Night. I'm really anxious about going out. To a night club. I'll have to find somewhere safe and away from people where i can hide until carl and his friends are done playing. They are opening i guess so they shouldn't be playing long. But we'll have to find something to do until the people we ride with are ready to leave. If our ride had alot to drink carl's going to ask if he can drive back to auburn. The guy lives all the way in cortland or something like that. I'm just hoping our ride and his girlfriend don't drink alot. I don't wanna be in a car for like 45 minutes to an hour with people who are drunk...lol. I'll bring my headphones tho so i can ignore them.
I had a dream about a little boy. 3 or 4 years old. His name was Spencer and i was apparently supposed to be looking after him while he, his family, carl's family and i were all on a shopping trip at a huge mall. Come to find out this lil boy, Spencer is a ghost who lives at carl's parents house...lol weird dream.
Ugh, i wish i could sleep, i'm tired, but not sleepy. Instead i just lay there and think about things i don't wanna be thinking about. Right now i think i'll go read or listen to music or find something else to keep busy with.
~me
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Kids
Went to see the kids today. Dracen, Molly, and Tempest. Got alot of pictures a Dracen :) he's the awesomerest lil boy in the entire universe.
Not really doing much else at the moment. just messing around online, facebook, bloggy, chat, music, that kinda stuff. Later will do more studying. or sleeping, or both. In alot of physical pain at the moment, not sure why. May need to see a doc about it if it doesn't go away soon. anyways...that's all.
~me~
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
New Fur, Yay!!
well not technically new, and not technically fur, but i cut my hair :). Lil shorter than i intended but i like it :). Also trying out bangs for the first time in like....ALOT of years...it's not workin out too good. But oh wells, it was worth a shot, and if i don't like it, it will grow out.
Going to have a busy day tomorrow. Getting up around 9 or so, Heading to the Holiday Inn for some thing they got going on there. Carl wants to go check it out. It's like some kinda of music shop thing. They are setting up a place where people can bring music related stuff and either sell it, or trade it for something else they have. We don't have money, and he's not taking anything to trade so we're basically just going to check it out. Then after that we're heading over to the studio to hang up plastic. After that coming back home and doing some more cleaning. Going through our storage bins and getting rid of anything we don't need or want, to cut down on bins and save room. Friday there's no band practice but Carl and Brian are going to hang out at the studio for awhile working on stuff together. The other two boys can't make it, which is why there's no practice, but i'll probably end up going with them. It won't last as long as a normal practice.
Right now there's nothing going on around here, just hanging out. About to drink some coffee :). Loves the coffee, but the coffee don't so much love me :(.
~me~
Going to have a busy day tomorrow. Getting up around 9 or so, Heading to the Holiday Inn for some thing they got going on there. Carl wants to go check it out. It's like some kinda of music shop thing. They are setting up a place where people can bring music related stuff and either sell it, or trade it for something else they have. We don't have money, and he's not taking anything to trade so we're basically just going to check it out. Then after that we're heading over to the studio to hang up plastic. After that coming back home and doing some more cleaning. Going through our storage bins and getting rid of anything we don't need or want, to cut down on bins and save room. Friday there's no band practice but Carl and Brian are going to hang out at the studio for awhile working on stuff together. The other two boys can't make it, which is why there's no practice, but i'll probably end up going with them. It won't last as long as a normal practice.
Right now there's nothing going on around here, just hanging out. About to drink some coffee :). Loves the coffee, but the coffee don't so much love me :(.
~me~
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Inspired by Inspiration
So Carl and i took the city bus up to the Rental place where he's renting his TV from. A rent to own thing. But as i'm sitting on the bus staring out the window, i'm watching all the houses and the people as we pass. Alot of older houses and buildings in auburn, historic type old. But there's newer areas with houses that look so much alike...lol seriously the only thing different is the color of the house...lol. Some are so much alike that the only difference is the car in the driveway. It's strange. Kinda creepy if you ask me.
As we're driving by these houses, there's people outside racking their yards, washing their cars, kids playing with dogs, riding their bikes, i see a couple boys throwing a football back and forth. Maybe it's strange, but i try to imagine what their lives are like. There's a guy walkin down the sidewalk...maybe 27 or so. He's got a backpack on, wearing jeans and a hoodie, listenin to music. And i wonder what he's listening to, where he's going, what he's thinking. People are complicated, complex and over all just unpredictable and basically terrifying. There's not many people on the bus on our way to the rental place. But then we walk to walmart, after shopping a lil bit we catch the bus home. There's more people this time. Then the bus goes to the community college and lots more people get on the bus. College kids. I try to focus on the things outside the bus. The trees, the people, the houses, the leaves. Taking my attention and focus off the people on the bus helps me to keep from freakin out. So i concentrate on things going by.
Bright yellow leaves on a tree. It looks strange, the entire tree is bare except for this one side of the tree has a couple of branches that still have their leaves. Bright yellow against the thick darkness of evergreens that are standing a couple yards behind this nearly naked, yellow leaved tree. I don't know why it stood out so much to me. Other than the bright leaves against the dark green...but for some reason it seemed odd to me. Just my strange way of thinking. Then i realize how strange it is that i would be so fixated on these trees that i wonder if anyone else thinks the way i do. Do they see something like this and think what i think, or am i just seriously fucked up? Does anyone else feel or think like i do? Does anyone else see things the same way i do?
I'm Unique, strange, weird, different...People have been telling me that my entire life. They say it's not a bad thing. When i was younger i never really thought of it as a bad thing. After all you don't really wanna be just like everyone else do you? Like those identical houses. But really..Unique, strange, weird, different, are all the same word. All have the same meaning...Alone. Because even though I don't want to be exactly like everyone else. I am far too different. Too Strange for most people to tolerate or accept.
"They say that every man bleeds just like me" - Kid Rock - "Only God Knows Why". Everyone feels pain right? Everyone gets hurt, everything goes through tough times, everyone gets sad, everyone at some point feels at least a lil alone, and hopeless right? At least that's what i'm told. "Everyone feels the same way you do at some point in time. You just have to learn to get over it." That's what people tell me. I totally understand that everyone hurts sometimes. Everyone goes through situations and periods in their lives when things just don't seem to be working out. When things get too messed up. The pain, confusion, frustrated, sadness, darkness. Is there anyone out there who hadn't thought about just giving up when things seem to difficult to handle? Aren't there times when even the most optimistic, and up-beat person starts to feel overwhelmed? Why is it so hard to get through it sometimes? I recognize the feelings, i see what's happening. All i can say is that it'll pass. it always does. But why can't i deal with it like i'm told i should be able to? Weakness? Just another difference. I'm not like you, i can't be as strong as you think i should be. (that "You" isn't directed at anyone specific, just the general public)
I donno, i'm not really making much sense to myself right now, over tired and just wishing i could get away from the thoughts in my head and the pain in my heart. I guess i'll just go lay down. See if i can sleep.
~me~
As we're driving by these houses, there's people outside racking their yards, washing their cars, kids playing with dogs, riding their bikes, i see a couple boys throwing a football back and forth. Maybe it's strange, but i try to imagine what their lives are like. There's a guy walkin down the sidewalk...maybe 27 or so. He's got a backpack on, wearing jeans and a hoodie, listenin to music. And i wonder what he's listening to, where he's going, what he's thinking. People are complicated, complex and over all just unpredictable and basically terrifying. There's not many people on the bus on our way to the rental place. But then we walk to walmart, after shopping a lil bit we catch the bus home. There's more people this time. Then the bus goes to the community college and lots more people get on the bus. College kids. I try to focus on the things outside the bus. The trees, the people, the houses, the leaves. Taking my attention and focus off the people on the bus helps me to keep from freakin out. So i concentrate on things going by.
Bright yellow leaves on a tree. It looks strange, the entire tree is bare except for this one side of the tree has a couple of branches that still have their leaves. Bright yellow against the thick darkness of evergreens that are standing a couple yards behind this nearly naked, yellow leaved tree. I don't know why it stood out so much to me. Other than the bright leaves against the dark green...but for some reason it seemed odd to me. Just my strange way of thinking. Then i realize how strange it is that i would be so fixated on these trees that i wonder if anyone else thinks the way i do. Do they see something like this and think what i think, or am i just seriously fucked up? Does anyone else feel or think like i do? Does anyone else see things the same way i do?
I'm Unique, strange, weird, different...People have been telling me that my entire life. They say it's not a bad thing. When i was younger i never really thought of it as a bad thing. After all you don't really wanna be just like everyone else do you? Like those identical houses. But really..Unique, strange, weird, different, are all the same word. All have the same meaning...Alone. Because even though I don't want to be exactly like everyone else. I am far too different. Too Strange for most people to tolerate or accept.
"They say that every man bleeds just like me" - Kid Rock - "Only God Knows Why". Everyone feels pain right? Everyone gets hurt, everything goes through tough times, everyone gets sad, everyone at some point feels at least a lil alone, and hopeless right? At least that's what i'm told. "Everyone feels the same way you do at some point in time. You just have to learn to get over it." That's what people tell me. I totally understand that everyone hurts sometimes. Everyone goes through situations and periods in their lives when things just don't seem to be working out. When things get too messed up. The pain, confusion, frustrated, sadness, darkness. Is there anyone out there who hadn't thought about just giving up when things seem to difficult to handle? Aren't there times when even the most optimistic, and up-beat person starts to feel overwhelmed? Why is it so hard to get through it sometimes? I recognize the feelings, i see what's happening. All i can say is that it'll pass. it always does. But why can't i deal with it like i'm told i should be able to? Weakness? Just another difference. I'm not like you, i can't be as strong as you think i should be. (that "You" isn't directed at anyone specific, just the general public)
I donno, i'm not really making much sense to myself right now, over tired and just wishing i could get away from the thoughts in my head and the pain in my heart. I guess i'll just go lay down. See if i can sleep.
~me~
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